Had a breif discussion with male friend about what the words “I love You” mean to men and women. He told me that the WORDS mean something different to men; for MEN love is transient.

I thought on this for a while and think that I disagree. First off, each man and each woman is unique in their experiencve and expression of love. In addition, love in itself is transient…whether romantic love, familial love or love of an animal, or food, etc.

Do men really believe that MOST women think of forever when they say “I love you”? Love is what it is TODAY. Tomorrow it HAS TO be something different because WE change. No? OF COURSE!!!!

But, when my son says I love you to his girlfriend he means that he longs to be near her, his heart races when he thinks of her, his hormones go crazy and he cares about what happens to her. Does it not mean that same thing for grown men? hmmm…

WE have truly been sold a bill of goods when it comes to love. We seem to need to hold on to predefined societal rules of how men and woman are SUPPOSED to love differently. Yes. Of course it is not precisley the same, but to say that the words “I Love You” MEAN something DIFFERENT is setting up a potentially dangerous precendent. Yes, by biology(hormones) and psychology men and women experience love differently, but how different is the initial “I love you” feeling/thought? I wonder… Long term LOVE is something larger and in my body/mind there is a seperation between those two. People say “I love you” when they are IN LOVE. That’s fine. I would rather say “I am in love with you”. I LOVE YOU means something DIFFERENT than in love. Somehow people make them one in the same. PERHAPS that distinction is what my friend was speaking of? hmmm

Plus, as Twain said(see post below) Generalities are ALL false.

I was looking around the net for stuff and came across a page from “Living Dhamma”. Here is an excerpt on just this topic. I don’t have an opinion on the text, but it spurred me to think and come up with my own opinion. Which, to be entirely honest is still forming itself…

So in order to give up evil and cultivate the good you don’t have to go looking anywhere else. If your mind has gone bad, don’t go looking over at this person and that person. Just look at your own mind and find out where these thoughts come from. Why does the mind think such things? Understand that all things are transient. Love is transient, hate is transient. Have you ever loved your children? Of course you have. Have you ever hated them? I’ll answer that for you, too… Sometimes you do, don’t you? Can you throw them away? No, you can’t throw them away. Why not? Children aren’t like bullets, are they? [2] Bullets are fired outwards, but children are fired right back to the parents. If they’re bad it comes back to the parents. You could say children are your kamma. There are good ones and bad ones. Both good and bad are right there in your children. But even the bad ones are precious. One may be born with polio, crippled and deformed, and be even more precious than the others. Whenever you leave home for a while you have to leave a message, “Look after the little one, he’s not so strong.” You love him even more than the others.

You should, then, set your minds well — half love, half hate. Don’t take only one or the other, always have both sides in mind. Your children are your kamma, they are appropriate to their owners. They are your kamma, so you must take responsibility for them. If they really give you suffering, just remind yourself, “It’s my kamma.” If they please you, just remind yourself, “It’s my kamma.” Sometimes it gets so frustrating at home you must just want to run away. It gets so bad some people even contemplate hanging themselves! It’s kamma. We have to accept the fact. Avoid bad actions, then you will be able to see yourself more clearly.

This is why contemplating things is so important. usually when they practice meditation they use a meditation object, such as Bud-dho, Dham-mo or Sang-gho. But you can make it even shorter than this. Whenever you feel annoyed, whenever your mind goes bad, just say “So!” When you feel better just say “So!…It’s not a sure thing.” If you love someone, just say “So!” When you feel you’re getting angry, just say “So!” Do you understand? You don’t have to go looking into the Tipitaka. [3] Just “So!” This means “it’s transient.” Love is transient, hate is transient, good is transient, evil is transient. How could they be permanent? Where is there any permanence in them?

You could say that they are permanent insofar as they are invariably impermanent. They are certain in this respect, they never become otherwise. One minute there’s love, the next hate. That’s how things are. In this sense they are permanent. That’s why I say whenever love arises, just tell it “So!” It saves a lot of time. You don’t have to say “Aniccam, dukkham, anatta.” If you don’t want a long meditation theme, just take this simple word…If love arises, before you get really lost in it, just tell yourself “So!” This is enough.


I found this study VERY interesting. It actually explains a lot about my body’s hoirmonal activity is the last 3 months.

Love Softens Men, Strengthens Women

Feb. 14, 2005 — If a man and a woman are in love, the bewitched fellow loses testosterone — a hormone linked to strength and aggressiveness — while his female partner actually gains some of the potent male hormone and its effects, according to a recent study.

The findings, published in the current Harvard Health Letter, suggest that love brings members of the opposite sex together by reducing some of their differences.

“ (Love) can come and go over and over again but, because it is an energy-consuming process, the organism cannot tolerate it for too long. ”

Researchers made the determination after comparing 24 young adults who had recently fallen in love with the same number of people currently not feeling love pangs. Blood was drawn from all of the test subjects. It then was analyzed for hormonal contents, which revealed the testosterone female spike and male drop.

Donatella Marazziti and colleague Domenico Canale, University of Pisa scientists who conducted the study, are not sure why men in love lose testosterone while women in love gain it. Marazziti told Discovery News that the changes might be linked to sexual behavior.

The blood test also revealed that all people in love, both men and women, gain heightened levels of cortisol, a hormone linked to stress.

Marazziti said, “The increase in cortisol seems to be a factor reflecting the initiation of social contact.”

In the body, the adrenal glands release cortisol. It breaks down proteins during a process that can raise blood sugar levels. Cortisol also can cause the body to give up fatty acids. The extra available sugar means that the brain will have more fuel, in the form of glucose, while muscles gain a jolt of energy from fat.

During the fight-or-flight syndrome, cortisol levels rise to improve the individual’s ability to cope with stress or a perceived threat. People in love, however, usually are not in any hurry to flee or fight.

Marazziti explained that the term “stress” is not always negative, but instead it can refer to additional demands placed on the body. In this case, love appears to require some biochemical maintenance.

A prior study conducted by Marazziti and Canale found that feelings of intense love last for only about eighteen months to three years. After 12-28 months, most individuals report feeling more calm and less distracted by thoughts and images of the person who originally affected their mental state.

Many couples, however, stay together well after the three-year threshold.

“Obviously there are a lot of couples who remain together for a long time, and this implies the involvement of other mechanisms,” Marazziti said.

She added that feelings of love could return and diminish, even with the same person.

She explained, “(Love) can come and go over and over again but, because it is an energy-consuming process, the organism cannot tolerate it for too long.”

Andreas Bartels, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics in Germany, told Discovery News that love is not unique to humans, but that not all creatures experience it.

“Love seems to be a biological mechanism that some species have to promote attachment,” Bartels said. “It ensures that people and certain animals stick together, with the goal probably being related to child rearing and parental bonds.”

Bartels has performed related functional imaging to determine what areas of the brain are associated with attachment. He found that maternal feelings involved the same brain areas that romantic ones do, with one big difference. Men and women in love tend to have more activity in the hypothalamus, which is part of the forebrain.

Bartels said, “I suspect that area probably is linked to sexual arousal.”

Since heated passion can fizzle over time, Marazziti next hopes to determine what social and/or scientific mechanisms might allow some couples to remain together for years and even decades.

This is just a teensie snippit from an article I just read. The complete article link is below.

“Maybe women are threatened by this unusual behavior [deep sharing by men] — maybe they want men to be “strong, silent types.” Maybe women are trained to expect that, and are afraid a man who is emotional will be unable to be protective, or whatever the strong and silent is supposed to signify.”

I am NOT threatened by what some may consider “unusual” behavior in men. How nice would it be is all women could have a chance to experience a truly masculine yet sensitive, intuitive man? um…I recommend it!!!!



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