I have healthy self esteem. But, like everyone, there are moments when I have minor self doubt. This is NOT one of them. *LMAO*

Recently I have felt like an amplified version of myself. I can pinpoint the cause(s). Some of them etherial, one of them quite tangible indeed. I can see myself clearly right now (good and bad), as can others, and I like that very much.

On a scale from 1 to 10 this is how it looks right now…today…at 8:30AM

Mental = 9.2 I’m on fire. All of the projects I am involved in are feeding my brain. I am also being fed from a mountain spring of thought, wisdom and creativity. I really dig dipping my feet in that water.

Physical = 8.5 Some days I feel beautiful. Most I feel attractive. Let’s face it, my teeth are far from perfect. I am also pretty bored wth my hair. Other than that I am quite pleased with my body and all of it’s parts. I do want a second tattoo. That hummingbird pic I posted last week. Did I mention where I will be putting the tattoo? think a flat canvas with curves at the bottom for the tail of the bird.

Spiritual =13(joke) 9.4 well, well, well…for a long time I was saying, ‘I really need to start doing daily devotions again to reconnect’ well, Mother Earth came and grabbed me by the hand back in mid October and the rest is history. I will be going to my second sweatlodge this coming Friday the 13th on a full moon. The Goddess and others have been speaking to me on an ongoing basis. My claravoyance is ON. Each moment in my day is a spiritual moment. I am so grateful for it all.

Emotional=6 or 7 this morning?
I am in the midst of a time of real emotional highs, which always comes with small lows. Most of the time this number is an 8 with a 9 on the horizon waaaaay over there in sight, but not reachable right now. I guess it’s really a 7 this morning. Because of how solid the rest of me is right now, the emotional landscape is a bit more stable as well. It’s just that I feel that I am blocking my emotions more than I want to. I open up, I close up. I am not in control of the closing up part. I can, however control how much I open up. I want to open up all the way…but that is not safe or practical right now. I am hopeful that elusive 10 could be a reality at some point. The Goddess seems to be telling me it is. I have seen things coming down the line that ..if they come to fruition…may break the 10 mark. But that’s not happening any time soon.

Question: If one thinks with their heart do they in turn feel with their mind? WE as a species…well, those of us intellectual types…tend to over think our emotional involvements and this results in not allowing ourselves the indulgence of the emotion. I would love to be able to feel 100% of what is in there; let it run free. I long for that. But, my mind is in the way. Ten years ago practicality would not play any role in my emotions. That is how I got myself into some crap in the past. I guess it is about finding a comfortable balance and letting go.

I NEED TO LET GO AND TRUST THE GODDESS. She keeps repeated this mantra: “Trust it. Don’t try to control it. Be Patient…very patient. Trust and let go.”

I was listening to the Anansi Boys on CD last evening and now the Goddess has the accent of a older black lady from Florida mixed with a british guy. *LMAO*

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1 Comment on Fine line between self doubt and self esteem

  1. Anonymous says:

    feel better hun
    i’m the same way… i stay up late, but i HAVE to have a nap part wya through the evening!

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