Random stream of conciousness warning…my version… I do  edit my own thoughts before they evvvvvver hit the page…and before they get permission to be full thoughts even in my own head. I am careful of my thoughts and how they can create scenarios I do not want. I wish everyone did that. Instead of thinking about what we don’t want to happen, we need to focus on what IS happening and the positives that come of it.

SM’s Fear is one of my favorite poems, but I don’t welcome the feelings it dredges up.

The last song on my song list for SM is Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. Also a great poem. Much better feelings and thoughts.

The energy in my room is back to where I want it to be. I am very happy about that. J and I spoke about his use of my room/computer and that it will not occur when I am not home any longer. He was surprised at first, but he aplogized for disrespecting my things and said “ok”.

I feel really good and at peace right now. In order to stay that way I am going to go read Thunderhead..and escape into the desert canyons of Utah and the mysteries of the Anasazi.

I need to trust that the “powerful forces at work” in my life are on it and then just release.

I have been doing that and have been very proud of myself for having no anxiety and no self doubt lately. but…A girl can have a good 30 minutes of calm and clear meloncholoy no? Even a terminally happy chick like me has her moments. heh

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1 Comment on Unwelcome

  1. just_kaye says:

    I thought you said you were going to bed??? Your as bad as me! 😉

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